RELATIONSHIPS
Many people have problems with relationships but have no idea why. They think that their partner, boyfriend, husband, wife or girlfriend doesn’t listen to them, doesn’t understand them, doesn’t support them, doesn’t love or even like them and maybe vice versa. They have a whole list of things they think that these people should/shouldn’t do, believe they are the cause of negative emotions such as feeling upset, hurt, frustrated or even angry. They are referred to as “being a pain in the neck”, the cause of headaches, the feeling of “losing your mind”.
Let us be grateful to people
who make us happy, Many of us nag, constantly, or we repeat something that’s on our mind, something that’s bothering us, because we believe we aren’t being heard, we aren't getting the response we want. Does this ploy, nagging, ever work? I doubt it. In addition, many of us re-hash old upsets, hurts, resentments, bringing them up time and time again, especially when we get into argumentative situations. Does that make you feel better? Does it make the other person feel any better. Wouldn't you like to change this negative behaviour, change it to a behaviour that actually makes you feel good? Many of us have to prove that we are right which often leads to an argument or heated debate where all those involved end up frustrated, misunderstood or even angry. Many times we find it difficult to let the subject drop and will bring it up time and time again, until we feel we’ve got the message across and that the other person (people) realise that we are right. It’s worth taking asking ourselves the question, “Is it necessary to be right, or would you prefer to be happy (and the other people too). Also think of the word ARGUMENT, which is a legal term. In a court of law attorneys make arguments designed to show the guilt or innocence of their client. They present the 'facts' with the attitude, "Any reasonable person would agree with my argument.". Therefore people are arguing and trying to prove others to be wrong and they are right! There are no winners, only losers, so STOP arguing right now! To read more about conflicts, click here. We too (Tom and I, Joanne) have experienced nagging, complaining, whinging in our and previous relationships too but now we know a different way to talk and use language to our benefit. It certainly helps you to get your partner to do what you want, rather than what you don't want! What we have learned has transformed our relationship, renewed our love and respect for each other, brought fun, joy, laughter and happiness into our daily lives. Plus we have the skills to help and support each other in other areas of our lives, or if we have difficulties with other family members. Therefore, we have been able to improve all of our relationships.
People change and
forget to tell each other - Lillian Hellman Surprisingly it usually only takes one person to change in the relationship for the relationship to improve dramatically. Therefore, if both people make an effort to change, the improvement in the relationship will be immense, beyond belief! Have you noticed how many people moan or complain about the people in their life, parents, siblings, friends, colleagues at work and even their own children. How often do you hear put downs, sarcastic comments, snide remarks not only made to the person concerned but in public? Does it make the person on the receiving end feel good? The person making these comments might think it makes them look or even feel good in the short term but in the long term it can cause a lot of upset, hurt, anger and resentment which in time is reflected back to them.
Present your family and
friends with their eulogies now - There are quite a few ways to change and improve your relationships, even as simple as only saying positive things to everyone and anyone. If you haven’t got anything good to say then it’s best not said! We all want to be liked, loved, approved of and appreciated.
Someone has to make the first move to change, so why not decide that you will be the one to make a difference? You will feel good when you use kind, thoughtful, appreciative language and you will notice the difference in using positive, affirming words, so will the person you are saying them too. They will respond accordingly and your relationship will improve. Wouldn’t you like to have the power to create courteous, warm, friendly or even loving relationships?
Kind words can be short and easy to speak,
Using Mind Harmony 4 Life techniques we will show you how. We will teach you the ways that you can change (they are relatively simple, you just need to know what to do and how and then make it a habit, part of your daily life).
One of our recent clients, a client who came to us many years ago when we were generally only using EFT, returned recently saying that her relationship with her boyfriend (they’ve lived together for over 5 years now) was at crunch time. Actually, unbeknown to her, the day before she came for her first Mind Harmony 4 Life session, her partner had decided enough was enough and the relationship was over. However, after our first session (4 hours) this client had changed enough that when she rang her partner in a more positive frame of mind (he noticed the difference too) and apologised for the 8 months of hell she had been giving him, she was saved from the brink. Her apology was a huge shock to him and even took me by surprise! Note too that this client had been in therapy for 3 months, on a twice weekly basis, and yet in 4 hours we’d managed a huge change.
The change in this client saved her relationship. We did many more hours of work, not just on the relationship but on helping her to change her beliefs, values and rules, to help her cope with any future, or past, negative issues that came up. I spoke with this client just over a week after she returned home to see how she was progressing. Her relationship was not only back on track but it was how it used to be (how she’d wanted it to be, filled with fun and love), so much so that her partner didn’t want to go away on business, he wanted to stay and enjoy the benefits of the changes she had made. She said friends had noticed the change in her too, she seemed more confident and a lot calmer. She explained that a situation had arisen that previously she wouldn’t have been able to cope with but she had, although it seemed to open up a whole can of worms involving other people which knocked her confidence, ignited doubts in her abilities but she persevered, used many of the techniques she’d learned with me to get her into a more positive, resourceful state. The outcome was better than she expected, and by having the courage to do what she did, she inspired others to do the same. Awesome!
If you heard her “Story”, the problem that she came to me with, most of us would have agreed with her, sided with her in fact, that her partner was the cause of all her problems, he was to blame, maybe even using stronger words and say he’s a right b*****d and believe that we were right. However, that’s just one side of the story, we need to learn to look at it from someone else’s perspective, or even as an outsider to see both points of view. We then need to analyse our thoughts, feelings and behaviour, get to the root cause, note what our focus is and if we are focusing on what we don’t want, rather than what we do want, we need to make some changes.
We covered a lot of ground in the time we spent together but as my client said, it was invaluable, these changes are for life, the techniques she’s learned are for life and the positive results are permanent!
WHAT IS YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE?
Another way to improve relationships and, possibly more importantly, to save your marriage, is to learn what your love language is. Most of us aren’t aware that there is such a thing as a “Love Language” but there is. We have all felt and enjoyed the whirlwind emotions when we first met our loved ones, often referred to as the honeymoon period. Most of us have learned that this beautiful time in our relationship doesn’t last forever and we wonder what happened, where it went to, sometimes even doubting that we were ever in loved when we know our feelings have changed so dramatically. We see fault in everything they do (or don’t do), or say. They can’t do right for doing wrong!
In NLP terms we all have different ways to communicate, we have a preference in how we communicate, but most of us are generally unaware of this. Also, Dr Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages (3,000,000 copies sold worldwide), has had a hugely successful career as a Marriage Guidance Counsellor and presenting seminars on marriage and family life. During his career, spanning over 30 years, he discovered what he calls the 5 different languages of love which when taught and used by his clients has transformed their relationships, even marriages many years old and many where the couples were about to call it a day. Once you learn the different ways, not only how YOU communicate but also the choice of language preferred by your boyfriend/girlfriend, wife/husband, partner, spouse etc. It’s not difficult to find out, just a few questions or completing a simple questionnaire, then you are all set to save your relationship/marriage, to rekindle the love you once felt and want to feel again!
How valuable is your husband, wife, or partner to you? Do you want your children, family and friends to know that you really do love and care about them? Do you want to learn how to improve your relationships or save your marriage? Then book your Mind Harmony 4 Life holiday and we will share our relationship secrets with you!
We will also use techniques such as STOP THE EXCUSES (Excuses Begone - Wayne Dyer) and The Work - Byron Katie. You'll be able to use these for yourself when you return home and not just for relationship issues.
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