WHO WOULD I BE
WITHOUT MY STORY?
If you want to test your memory,
try to recall what you were worried about one
year ago today.
Continuation from the page: Thanks and
Gratitude (to my half sister Penny):
I didn’t discover Penny was my half sister until my mid
20’s. You might wonder how I didn't know I had a sister but that was because my Mum had an affair with Penny’s
Dad (my Dad too of course) when they were neighbours. One of my brothers is also the result of that
affair! This discovery wasn’t too much of a surprise for me, I was brought up knowing about another affair my
Mum started when she was pregnant with me – it lasted 15 years - but it was a shock to my brother who had been told
by Penny's brother (also our half brother) and also to my eldest brother (who was obviously now my half brother
rather than my brother!). It can be confusing telling this story! So you can imagine the can of worms
that this discovery opened up for all members of the family and the issues it created. There were, and still
are, things unsaid and secrets kept (I believe who I thought was my Dad didn’t know he wasn’t my biological
father – but I still think of him as my Dad, because he was, to me! But it does get complicated
and confusing at times when telling our family story especially about which Dad I am on about!).
Penny’s 10 years older
than me, not that you would know the difference in our ages if you saw us together, we have often been
mistaken for each other and on one occasion were asked if we were twins! Before I was born, Penny had moved
to Manchester (I lived in Nantwich, Cheshire) but our parents kept in touch, often visiting each other for
the day or a weekend. So I have known Penny all my life, we might not have been close in those early years
but at least we saw each other, occasionally, and more so as time went on.
We kept in touch when I
was a teenager and over the years visited each other every now and again – Penny moved to Caerphilly, more
than 30 years ago. I think the discovery of us being sisters – Penny had knew before I did – brought us
closer together, so we saw more of each other and often had weekends away, just the two of us. We had many
adventures, created many amusing stories to tell and share lots of happy memories too of
course!
Now I'm jumping a few
years, to the time I had Rebecca:
Penny supported Rebecca
and I more than any other family members – my Mum didn’t see Rebecca for the last 3 years of her life, due to
yet another period of time when she wasn’t speaking to me (I never knew why and perhaps my version of this
story isn't accurante, her story is that I didn't speak to her!) and my brothers and I had drifted apart due
to a variety of issues between us. Penny booked time off work to help and support me when Rebecca went into
hospital for her heart operation, as did her husband John (he was with me when Rebecca passed away). This
wasn’t easy for her either, as the date was cancelled and changed a few times which had a knock on effect on
other plans scheduled in her very busy diary.
I couldn’t have asked
for a better, more supportive sister and brother in law. Words are not enough but I hope they know how
thankful I and grateful I was.
Rebecca and I shared
many wonderful holidays with Penny, her husband John and other family members too (their
sons Stuart and John's sister, Val) over the years and eventually I decided to move to
Caerphilly to be nearer to Penny, John and their sons Paul and Stuart.
Rebecca loved them all
dearly and we had a great time living close to them, albeit it only lasted for 18 months. But it was a very
happy time, apart from Rebecca’s health issues. I have lots of happy memories and thankfully lots of
video that I took during our short time there, for which I am very grateful.
You could say
unfortunately, Penny and I didn’t have any contact from approx 6 weeks after Rebecca passed away, until 2
years ago (so 7 years in all). It was a very difficult time in my life, I was totally devastated at my loss,
felt I had been abandoned by the one person I thought would never hurt me, Rebecca, my precious daughter. I
felt compelled to move back up north where I felt more at home being in familiar surroundings and, for a few
months I lived with my best friend, Chris and her family.
But you could also say
it was fortunate that Penny and I didn't have contact from 6 weeks after Rebecca passed as that was a huge
consideration in my decision to move back up north:
It was Chris that
introduced me to massage. I couldn’t believe how wonderful massage was and, wanting to fill every minute of
the day, to avoid thinking of my loss, I wanted to learn as many different types of massage as possible. I
discovered there was a course, covering all the massages on my list, including counselling skills, hence I
enrolled on a Stress Management Diploma course. Just imagine, had I stayed in Caerphilly, my life would have
been very different to how it is now - I certainly wouldn’t be writing this document, a “THANK YOU” to my
sister, to put on my website!
I did apply for jobs
only a few weeks after Rebecca died but I remember thinking that if I got a job in an office, worked like I
had before Rebecca was born, it would feel like she had never existed. , I wouldn’t be where I am now. I
wouldn’t have done my Stress Management course, learning a range of massages, I would not have come to Turkey
and, perhaps most importantly, I would not have met and married Tom …...
Thankfully, however, I
did a lot of work on my issues (using EFT mainly) regarding my family which enabled me to forgive and forget
and therefore, make contact with my sister (half sister – but it’s easier to say sister!). Note: I will
explain separately how I used EFT but suffice it to say I didn’t follow the most popular method but still got
great results! Note: since using EFT and forgiving/forgetting I have discovered The Work which is
more about accepting what is is .... but that's another story! Also worth noting you is that you don't
always forget but thankfully you do see things differently and therefore, when it's no longer an issue you
don't remember so often! Two quotes I often use: You can't
change the past but you can change the way you view it and It's never
too late to have a happy childhood.
We saw each other in the UK the first year I made contact and then, last year, Penny came to
Turkey for the first time in January, and returned another couple of times throughout the year with plans to come
again, and again.
I have shared a lot of
my newly learned skills with Penny, recommending books and invited her to join me on The Speakman’s seminar
November 2008 (learned VCD - Visual Coding Displacement - a
technique to remove fears and phobias), so I hope, in some small way, I have helped her, like she helped
Rebecca and I.
I know that Penny has
made some huge changes in her life, the last 6 months in particular, and that she’s happier than she’s ever
been, so that’s some consolation for the time we were separated ie had no contact ….. If that hadn’t
happened, I wouldn’t have learned all these therapies (now combined to create Mind Harmony 4 Life), therefore
I wouldn’t have been able to share them with her and so, possibly, she too wouldn’t be living the life she
has now!
THANK YOU PENNY
FOR YOUR LOVE AND
SUPPORT
PS this page needs more
work but it will suffice for the time being - I hope you will understand. It wasn't a subject I intended
including on my website but in wanting to express my thanks to Penny, a few skeletons came out of the
closet! I haven't exactly answered the question, Who Would I Be Without My Story, it's more about
recognising that things happen in our lives that take us where we least expect it. Although there are
traumas, hurts, upsets, heartache and a whole lot of other emotional pain along the way, it doesn't mean those
negative emotions and experiences have to ruin our lives. However, we often use our negative experiences
as an excuse for who we are, who we have become. It may come as a surprise to some but we do have a choice
to be whoever we want to be.
My only regret (not truly a
regret, just a brief moment of wishful thinking of what might have been) is that I wish I had known about all
the therapies I have learned since Rebecca's passing (now combined to create Mind Harmony 4 Life), many
years ago. But I assume I had to follow the path I took to make me continually search and
discover techniques such as EFT, NLP, The Work etc and meet people like Nik & Eva Speakman, so that I
had the ultimate tools and role models to enable me to heal and remove my emotional baggage, completely and
permanently. So now I can help you too!
YOUR LIFE CAN BE FANTASTIC
FOR TOO!
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